Late Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain‘s daughter Frances Bean Cobain showed her support for late Soundgarden singer Chris Cornell’s daughter Lily Cornell Silver on World Suicide Prevention Day as she shared her story about mourning the death of her father and Chester Bennington, and then dealing with suicidal ideation herself. Cobain liked Lily’s comments, which Alternative Nation has transcribed. A Smashing Pumpkins bassist recently discussed seeing Chris Cornell for the first time.
“September 10th is World Suicide Prevention Day so I want to share parts of my experience with suicidal ideation and what it can look like, as well as hopefully shed some of the stigma surrounding this serious mental health challenge.
The first time I felt suicidal, I had just graduated high school, was turning 18, and struggling with my sense of purpose. After a long and stressful day, I had my first moment of rest. I sat down on my bed and looked out of my apartment window down to the sidewalk below. I suddenly felt flooded with panic; a wave of heat swept over my body, I started shaking uncontrollably, and my breath shortened. I said aloud, ‘I am afraid I am going to kill myself.’ For weeks afterward I didn’t feel safe being alone because I didn’t trust myself.
I had lost my dad and then his close friend Chester bennington to suicide a year previously, and a dear friend from high school the year before. I knew the devastating impact, I knew how agonizing the grief process was, and I had no desire to put my loved ones through it. And yet, I felt my dysregulated emotions overriding my intellect and logic. It felt like I had never truly been happy in my life, and it felt as through the only way to feel better was to die.
Despite my strong and wide support system, I only told a few people about my experience then, and even now I only just started being open about my experiences with feeling suicidal. I had many seemingly happy conversations in that period of time. I traveled, got ready to start college, spent time with friends and family, and posted ‘normal’ Instagram photos. A few people even told me it looked like I was ‘living my best life.’ This just goes to show how deeply people can be suffering and how easy it can be to hide it.
I have struggled with physical self harm, PTSD, anxiety, depression, and grief. None of it is necessarily pretty, but all of it was real and an important part of my life experience that has led me to be an advocate for normalizing the conversation around our collective mental health, especially in these very challenging times. If I didn’t have the privilege of having access to therapy, a mom and close circle who I trusted, and the resources to seek care, I don’t know if I would be here. I want to raise awareness of the epidemic level of the mental health crisis and fight to make these resources available to all who need them – for instance, mental health care is drastically and disproportionately unavailable to BIPOC communities, which statistically face the most mental health issues.
I am sharing because hearing others’ stories has been so deeply validating and comforting to me, and I hope I can offer the same, even though I don’t wish these feelings on anybody. There was a time in my life that I never would have told this story publicly, but experiences like this have played a huge role in how I interact with the world and take care of my own mental health.
Through high school and now being in college, I have lost several peers each year to suicide. Suicide rates have increased over 50% in the past decade for teens. In the wake of the Coronavirus pandemic, a recent CDC survey found that 1 in 4 respondents ages 18-24 seriously considered suicide in the past months; there was also a notable increase in suicidal ideation amongst minority racial-ethnic groups, caregivers, and essential workers. Hey, according to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, between 70-90% of those who seek help see vast improvement in their symptoms.
I have felt so much power and comfort learning about the science behind my experience and what suicidal ideation really is at a psychological level. I am excited to share that my next Mind Wide Open episode features Dr. Ursula Whiteside, a clinical psychologist and suicide researcher who is going to share coping strategies for suicidal ideation and other forms of emotional crisis.
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary issues. Here are some free resources for today and everyday.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 800-273-8255
Crisis Text Line 741-741
Down the My3 App
Now Matters Now nowmattersnow.org
National Alliance on Mental Illness nami.org
Seize the Awkward seizetheawkward.org
The Trevor Project thetrevorproject.com
To Write Love on Her Arms twloha.com”
