MAGIC MIKE MAZZARONE MAKES HIS TRIUMPHANT RETURN TO GRUNGEREPORT.NET

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Ladies and gentlemen it has been nearly a month since I have last posted on GrungeReport.net   The prolonged absence, as you know was mainly due to the storm.  But I was also sidelined for an extra week prior due to a nasty virus on my computer.  It may or may not have been from a porn site.  I’m a regular visitor of TNAFlix, RedTube, and PornHub.

One of the biggest tragedies of Hurricane Sandy was my absence from GrungeReport.net, I have sorely missed posting the news on here more than anything but I have to hand it to Brett and the fellow staff on here for keeping things running smoothly during the absence of your head reporter.  I have lots of Billy Corgan interviews and photos to catch up on, that and PornHub should make for a HurriKinky weekend.

To mark my return, I have written a poem, my own rendition of “Been Away Too Long.”  It’s quite fitting, since I’ve been away too long.

Hey, Taylor Momsen knows me
Taylor Momsen saves me
Taylor Momsen loves or hates me
But it’s fate
I only ever really wanted to have sex with Taylor Momsen
I’ve been away for too long
No I never really wanted to stay
I have a really big shlong

Bio: Mike Mazarone graduated from the Connecticut School of Broadcasting in 2011 with a degree in communications, basically relegating him to better then you status (Except for boss Brett Buchanan). Before joining the AlternativeNation staff he was a contributor and producer to Brett Buchanan’s pro wrestling/MMA/comedy radio show – Barbaric Wrestling Radio, from 2006 to 2009. Mazzarone’s job there was to be a contributor and book interviews. After the show ended Buchanan hired Mazzarone right away to be AlternativeNation's head reporter. Contact: MJMazarrone (at) yahoo.com or; mike (at) alternativenation.net
  • JJ

    Your “poem” was idiotic. Go away again.

  • Magic Mike Mazzarone

    Rest assured your head reporter loves each and every one of you. Even the famed Grungereport “trolls”.

  • Brooks

    this site wants to be taken seriously as a music news source, and then still lets you post crap like this.

  • RickDeckard

    @Mike, I hope you aren’t referring to yourself, Mike. You are definitely not the head reporter.

    Oh and in terms of your poem (a bit of a stretch of the word), I’m cool with tasteless, raunchy humor, but only if it’s actually, you know, funny.

    @Brooks, Right?! What the hell’s with that?

  • irishtdawg

    This guy’s head is so far up his own arse. I skip anything he has to write cause it’s normally shite, like this.

  • Edward R. Murrow

    I cannot stoop low enough to make fun of this.

  • Edward R. Murrow

    Okay fine, look at the picture. That’s all you need to know.

  • Magic Mike Mazzarone

    I see Edward R. Murrow, GR’s finest troll is back in full form. He always posts when it comes to a “flaming” type of post and has nothing legitimate to say. Ironic given the namesake. Also clearly people like Brooks have zero sense of humor and want GR to be a dry news site…which we won’t be. We post humerous material as well as give you the news. Excuse our reporters and staff personalities for having exactly that…personality.

  • Magic Mike Mazzarone

    Also you would think more people would have some sympathy for a storm victim. Shame on you all.

  • lemonyellowsun

    Never mind them Mike u r cool AND funny

  • Is he one?

    I’d be interested to know how exactly you were a victim Mike, I mean how it affected your life concretely. It’s hard to relate from Montréal. I’d be interested, for real :)

  • aaron

    uh, dude, you lost any sympathy when you said “one of the biggest tragedies of Hurricane Sandy was my absence from GrungeReport.net.” I’m sure that was supposed to be a funny joke, but it’s about as funny as any of your other posts.

    in the words of the bobs from office space, “What would you say… ya do here?”

  • aaron

    “You know what will get this site taken seriously as a music news source? Poems about me wanting to have sex with Taylor Momsen!!” — Magic Mike

  • Magic Mike Mazzarone

    Well my parents’ car was crushed due to a fallen tree and the power wires/telephone pole it took with it. The said tree just narrowly missed our house. We were without power, TV/Phone/Internet for a total of almost two weeks and the only heat source we had to speak of was a small Kerosene heater. Because of the storm we lost money since my father & I have an at home computer business. In which we fix computers and sell parts. So all in all it was quite bad. While we didn’t nearly have it as bad as those in Southern New Jersey & by the boardwalk I would say our neighborhood was one of the hardest hit in Northern New Jersey. Hopefully we never see a storm like this again.

  • eINESTEINent

    i hate this guy and i dont know him

  • Magic Mike Mazzarone

    What do I do here? Look at the front page.

  • Magic Mike Mazzarone

    It sucks that the readers of this site can’t accept this site as a topical and funny yet up to the moment music news site.

  • Sara

    oh god, I completely agree with ‘Brooks’, this actually makes me cringe. is this site just a big joke? wow, yes i think so

  • 10

    You say “topical and funny,” yet the owner of this site has spoken up about not being taken seriously in recent weeks. I think that’s part of the reason why you’re getting a negative response, Magic Mike. The lack of seriousness in the articles isn’t a problem until you want the same perks a “professional” music site gets.

  • ejsme

    I love it! People need to lighten up. Why does this have to be taken seriously? It’s not frickin’ CNN!

    Glad you’re back and made it through the storm!

    People need to realize that this Magic Mike Mazzarone persona who makes the ridiculous comments about Taylor Momsen is like the Tony Clifton to Andy Kaufman. It’s supposed to be idiotic and crude. He still contributes with real music news too. If you people that are always complaining about the site and it’s lack of “professionalism” don’t like it, go somewhere else? You know why you don’t because this is the first place to go to read all the news collected from around the web about various grunge/alternative bands that we like as well as a few exclusive things.

    It’s not supposed to be all cold and serious. In the words of Jagger/Richards, “It’s Only Rock ‘N Roll… and I like it!”

  • Magic Mike Mazzarone

    You can still be “pop culture relevant” and be “professional”.

    Also thank you ejsme.

  • ejsme

    I get people’s point about getting the other perks that more professional sites get. But hey, Brett got an interview with Jeff F’n Ament! And he had those other exclusive things from people that worked on Weiland’s 12BB. Not bad for a 21 year old fan that isn’t making a profit from doing this. Go to Rolling Stone.com or Billboard.com if you want the “corporate” experience. I like that Magic Mike has this intentionally douchey persona. It gives each contributor their own identity instead of just being articles where you can’t tell who wrote it. And as far as people’s complaints about too many things just being copied and pasted from other sites… So What? It saves us the trouble of having to go collect them all ourselves!

  • 10

    repeatedly expressing desire to have sex with a celebrity = the definition of professionalism. Honestly, I say write what you want to write. Many of us like humor, and you can’t please everyone. I was just commenting on when Brett recently had a little rant about bands not granting him interviews and other perks because his site isn’t viewed as being professional (paraphrased).

  • Zach Myers

    Clearly 10 you don’t get the concept of a “running joke”.

  • ejsme

    Just want to add that this site is different because it’s equal parts news source and chat forum and I like the varied personalities.

  • ejsme

    ^^^Exactly! I’d be disappointed if Magic Mike didn’t bust out some totally inappropriate and obscene comment about Taylor Momsen. It’s what you expect. It’s his signature!

  • Magic Mike Mazzarone

    See. It’s good to know that someone understands.

  • paulonious

    biggest tragedy of hurricane sandy? that’s not funny. it’s disgusting to even joke about something like that.

  • 10

    @Zach I get the running joke. It doesn’t bother me. Read my comment again. I like that Mike writes what he wants, and I usually read his stories. I was just speculating on the reason for some of the backlash.

  • tompussy

    You look like you could play a string instrument for the Trees. Or you could front a Tad tribute band. Or eat a family of four in 15 minutes.

  • Andrei

    Good to have you back, bro!

  • Karlos Quinky

    Is it just me that thinks it’s a bit lame that “magic” mike is wearing a killers t-shirt?

  • struver

    Tad Doyle is back?

  • Magic Mike Mazzarone

    Nothing wrong with the Killers. One of the best modern rock bands out there.

  • versus

    What’s wrong with the Killers? There aren’t many decent American post-90s bands out there, and the Killers have always been better than Okay.

  • Magic Mike Mazzarone

    My two favorite post 90’s Rock bands right now are the Killers & Cage the Elephant. I used to like Muse but they have sold out within the past couple of years.

  • Spoonman

    fuck this guy and fuck the killers…im into ROCK AND MOTHERFUCKING ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLL

  • Magic Mike Mazzarone

    The Killers are rock and roll. A great example of modern rock and roll. Perhaps if you listened to Sam’s Town and broadened your horizons you would see that they are one of the most talented bands within the last ten years. What would you consider them? Bubblegum Pop? Hardly.

  • Karlos Quinky

    “magic” mike – I do not consider the killers grunge, thats my problem with you wearing the t-shirt, and as for muse – one of the most generic over hyped bands around! in a few years you will grow to see that!

  • JJ

    Have you heard The Killers new album? They’ve sold out too…

  • Magic Mike Mazzarone

    I don’t consider the Killers grunge either but I like other rock besides grunge. Also they have never sold out with their sound. The Killers always experiment with their sound and not one album really sounds the same. The nu-wave, Duran Duran influenced Hot Fuss sounds nothing like the Rockin’ Springsteen influenced Sam’s Town. And Day of Age sounds like a hybrid of those two albums. Their latest album seems to be more heartland country based with influences of their prior albums mixed in as you get that refreshing rocky country sound. Bottom line they are of the best (if not the best) bands to come out in the last 10-15 years. Mainstream wise anyway. Some of you should be less closed minded. We would never cover the Killers but that doesn’t take away from the fact that they are really fucking good.

  • your last female fan?

    gross. more importantly, what’s the latest on alice in chains?

  • Magic Mike Mazzarone

    And Karlos if you actually read what I said would have seen that I said that Muse sold out already. They did the moment they released “Uprising”.

  • davegarden1981

    the killers one of the best bands to come out in the last 10-15 years hahahhahahahahha best joke ive heard in ages,what fuckin planet are you living on. and yes ive seen them live the guy cant sing a note. what a douchebag you are mike. u look like the sad fucker ur shitty poem suggests. the only comedy heres your t-shirt . this sites great apart from your posts

  • Douche Teabag

    @ejsme – Brett’s dad here. I like your Tony Clifton reference. Not everything needs to be taken so seriously.

    On another note, Mike’s taste in music is on par with mine. He asserts that the Killers and Cage The Elephant are the best things to happen to rock since Grunge and I agree. On the subject of the Killers, they have shown more range and depth than any artist since Bowie and are a tribute to what I believe is the soul of rock – the willingness to explore.

    Anyway, glad Mike made it through Sandy. Anyone who is passionate enough about music to write about it for free is okay with me – even if his delivery could use some polish.

  • a

    How am I not surprised this guy still lives with his parents?

  • ejsme

    Now this is just turning into an excuse for people who don’t like the Killers to bash him for wearing a Killers shirt?

    I mean seriously people, now you’re just being mean-spirited and hurtful. If you don’t like Mike’s goofy comments about Taylor Momsen, there’s no need to be jerks. I’ve never heard Magic Mike say anything mean or bash people. If you don’t like his sense of humor or his taste in a shirt, get over it!

    @Karlos Quinky – WTF kind of argument is that? He shouldn’t wear a Killers shirt because they are not grunge?!? What is he supposed to wear… a tattered flannel shirt with shorts and long underwear and combat boots and a soul patch? Like some kind of grunge uniform? If ALL you like is grunge then you are the most narrow-minded music fan out there. The Beatles are the greatest band ever and my favorite band ever and they are nowhere near grunge but I LOOOOVE grunge and alternative too. If you think somebody should be criticized for liking other types of music, you need to get out more! Grunge is a pretty narrow category to stick with. Even metalheads have more stuff to choose from.

  • Magic Mike Mazzarone

    For the record I am wearing a flannel shirt in that picture. Haha. But seriously, I completely agree with ejsme – if you are going to bash me because I choose to wear a band shirt that isn’t grunge then you all need to get out more. Completely shameful how some people are acting on here.

  • Karlos Quinky

    @ ejsme – what i am saying is how is anybody gonna take the guy seriously when he is wearing a killers t-shirt! add into the fact he publicly talks about his wanking habits and tries to make light of the hurricane sandy situation! all in all what I am saying is that “magic” mike needs to mature a little. if brett does wanna have this site taken seriously he would do well to ditch “magic” mike and get someone with a journalism degree to write for him rather than someone who helps his dad fix computers in his shed!

  • Magic Mike Mazzarone

    Karlos I have a communications degree from the Connecticut School of Broadcasting. I believe I am more then qualified to work for GR. Also – again The Killers are a band that both Brett and I enjoy. He was the person that got me into them years ago. Just because they are a “new band” doesn’t mean they aren’t good. They are one of the most diverse bands to come out in years and if you had an open mind – perhaps you could see that. Also, not to make light of Hurricane Sandy but all I said was one of the biggest tragedies of Hurricane Sandy (for me anyway) was not being able to report for Grungereport. I consider GrungeReport as an internship for me since graduating from the Connecticut School of Broadcasting a year ago and I thank Brett for this opportunity.

    Besides Hurricane Sandy, while a devastating storm was only a category one. That is a fact. Imagine if New Jersey got a Hurricane the level of Katrina? (Category five.) Most of the non-island based communities and non-shore areas have gone back to normal life. So outside of the Shore areas the damage (thank god) was pretty overstated. In North Jersey where I am I had down wires, my folks car was crushed and we lost power and internet/TV/phone for a total of two weeks. But after those two weeks everything got back to normal up here. Some areas in NJ were even quicker then that!

    And Karlos if you think you could do a better job as a reporter, as I told “Spoonman” all you need to do is ask Brett and he will give you a wordpress account. That way you can post news/reviews.

    This goes to anybody. If you think you can do a better job at reporting then myself or any current member of staff then back it up.

  • Karlos Quinky

    you say you got a communications degree?
    “Besides Hurricane Sandy, while a devastating storm was only a category one. That is a fact. Imagine if New Jersey got a Hurricane the level of Katrina? (Category five.) ”
    with a sentence like that I find the your statement about having a degree very hard to swallow!

    But maybe I am just lucky to have an English education rather than a lacklustre american one!

    Just to clarify – my opinion of the killers is this – they are ok, but to be honest I find them a very cynical exercise in modern popular rock music – as you yourself said their first two albums (the sound & tones of them at least) draw heavily upon the influences of other bands – if they truly were that great a group they would have a defining sound of their own and wouldn’t need to rip off springsteen and Duran Duran!

  • Magic Mike Mazzarone

    So now this has evolved to you being anti-American? With my communications degree from CSB I have received not only advanced instruction in the field of communications and media operations but have also received my training from well-known journalists as well as television and radio personalities from SiriusXM, HLN, various New York/Philadelphia radio stations and more. You know that Billy Corgan story about him appearing on Busted Open? Well the host of that show (Dave LaGreca) was actually my Sports radio teacher.

    I am grateful to be certified in the fields of journalism, TV and Radio. As I’ve said though (and you can dodge this all you want) but if you think you can be a better reporter – you are welcome to try.

    Also a lot of bands are influenced in some way or another by a few bands. Pearl Jam for example was influence by Neil Young, The Ramones and The Who and Stone Gossard’s sound has been influenced by Hendrix. You are grasping at straws with your argument. Besides the Killers always tend to switch their style up. Heartland country with that epic Springsteenish rock and a touch of 80’s new wave. There is a difference between “homage” and “ripoff” and when you listen to the Killers you can tell that Brandon is clearly paying a homage to those artists as he infuses those influences with the band’s own twist.

  • Karlos Quinky

    but they didn’t appear to teach you any English language or grammar skills!
    I am not dodging your attempt to get someone to do your job better than you, its just I already do one full time PAID job and have better things to do than sit around changing the lyrics of songs to poor attempts at humour!
    by the way you are the one attempting to start an argument about being anti-american. for the purpose of this conversation I will reveal the fact that i am actually of dual nationality, my father was born in chicago.
    I was simply stating the well known fact that your government purposely likes to its citizens uneducated and overfed.

  • Karlos Quinky

    likes to keep its citizens*

  • Magic Mike Mazzarone

    I’m done with this conversation. It’s clear that an anti-American troll who wants to look past clear credentials is just trying to get under my skin. If you want to prove YOUR worth here then ask Brett for a cutenews account.

  • Karlos Quinky

    what credentials? you have a degree! congratulations! quite how you think that writing supposedly humorous accounts of why you haven’t been able to access the internet for two weeks equates to your “internship” which will then lead to a full job job in the industry that you so clearly know so much about, would lead me to believe that you are clearly as deluded as you are arrogant in regards to the quality of your journalism!

    Brett PLEASE do everyone who visits this site a favour and ditch this waste of skin and PAY someone to write decent articles for you…..

  • Brett Buchanan

    lol, don’t people see the tongue in nature vibe of Magic Mike’s story? His name is fucking MAGIC MIKE. I’ve worked on websites with this guy since 2005, we both like to joke around a lot on the sites I own. On sites I own I like to have a tongue in cheek/fun nature, otherwise I’d get bored shitless. I also think it establishes a personality of the site.

    Regarding The Killers, I love them. My favorite band to come out in the last decade.

  • Brett Buchanan

    Also regarding the site taken SERIOUSLY, what I have referred to is mainly reviews/interviews. I’m not going to turn the site into the CSPAN of alternative rock news, I think the site’s sarcasm is a signature of it and a reason it is successful as it is. If it pisses off some people so be it, they need to pull the stick out of their ass. People like me and Mike’s personas on here and senses of humor are very self-depricating.

    I think a name change and some more bands though will make it even bigger, and get more interviews/reviews since the traffic increase will force PR agencies to give us interviews. We would have had an interview with Stone Temple Pilots in 2010 if traffic had been higher then.

  • Spoonman

    well all i know is that song that goes “are we humans or are we dancers” was so god damn gay

  • Brett Buchanan

    I like that song, it’s not my favorite Killers song though. Off the latest album I love Battle Born, Runaways, Flesh and Bone, Miss Atomic Bomb, and Be Still. I don’t expect everyone here to love them, some people here seem entrenched in the Grunge type sound. I just look for bands that write great songs. I love The Killers though and am also a big fan of quite a few of their influences like David Bowie and U2.

  • 90’s Child

    Hey Brett, I’m Canadian and I think you should cover some Red and Whites. Tragically Hip please! Tea Party! Though I am embarrased about NB, terrible but please cover The Hip1

  • Spoonman

    @brett, of course bowie kicks ass. scott weiland taught me that haha. but yeah i think i remembered why i dont like them…didnt the singer say something about americans holding Zeppelin and NIrvana too high or something? as far as im concerned you cant say enough good things about Zeppelin…but im definitely fully absorbed with hard rock and what not but i guess my side interests are just different than others on here. hell i think John Mayer kicks ass

  • Magic Mike Mazzarone

    Brandon wasn’t trashing those bands at all. Rather he was saying that people won’t give a “new band a chance to reach that type of pedestal.” I remember the moment you are talking about and I remember him praising those bands.

  • Spoonman

    but he criticism of people being obsessed with them is kinda a bash right? like people SHOULD hold zeppelin on an untouchable pedestal…we surely wouldnt have bands like sg without them

  • Karlos Quinky

    I would’nt call “magic” mike’s humour self deprecating more like self absorbed!