Nicholas Pell.  Douchechill.

Nicholas Pell has written a new article for LA Weekly where he trashes Pearl Jam.  You can e-mail him at You can contact him on Twitter here. Always makes me laugh when hacks like this slag off great bands when they couldn’t create a piece of good art if their life depended on it.  Here’s a couple of excerpts from Nicholas’ work of fart:

August marked the 20-year anniversary of Pearl Jam’s Ten. Yes, for 20 soul-crushing years we’ve listened to Eddie Vedder mumble. Which is somehow even worse than Jeff Ament’s endless procession of silly hats. Somehow Pearl Jam enjoys more acclaim than ever these days; it seems that mediocre rock bands, like ugly buildings, become respectable if they stick around long enough.

A lot of people, apparently. Ten sold almost that many million copies. The singles are merely pedestrian, but the album cuts are downright embarrassing. It’s amazing the band did anything other than play a grunge band in a made-for-TV movie. Performing “Black” at a coffee shop open mic should be grounds for a restraining order. “Why Go” becomes irritatingly repetitive upon a single listen.

  • johm d

    Fuck u fag

  • Dreux

    Douchechill? You listen to O&A, Brett?
    Oh yeah, and I’m not the biggest PJ fan in the world (though I love Vs. and Vitalogy, along with a few of those “embarrassing” album cuts off of Ten), but fuck this guy. I guarantee you he’s a failed musician who’s envious of the success PJ found with just one album.

  • huw

    I left the first comment on this blog! he’s the most talented writer I have ever had the pleasure of reading, he must, i repeat must be the best writer ever!

  • lou

    Wow, the least he could have done was came up with valid reasons why he finds them repulsive-instead of rambling on about eddies voice, Jeff’s hats or throwing silly little metaphores that you try and use to make you seem like a half journalist? Come on really? Is that the best you have?…because maybe this is just my opinion, but I poped ten on last night and it is just as amazing as it was when I first heard it. Fucking indie “I want to pretend it is 1980″ dickhead.

    Love Grunge Report. Just throwing that out there since I was on a roll:)

  • be

    will take in the ass son of a bitch! pearl jam best band’s grunge history! Criticizing is easy is not your shit? fuck you asshole :(

  • Rossco

    First off, look at the douche bag. He probably considers american idol the basis for talent. Nice hat and glasses turd. How can u make fun of Jeffs hat with that ugly piece of shit on your head?

  • Vs.

    If you’re going to legitimately rip PJ, start in 2000, not ’91. Otherwise, you just sound like a hater.

  • Dennis

    This guy needs a job for Spin Magazine. Sounds like he’d probably vote for this “F*cked Up, David Comes to Life” as the best album of 2011, while Foo Fighters were only #46.

    Seriously, who the hell are most of these “artists”?

  • fRED

    who is Nicholas Pell???

    By the way, LA Weekly must review their concept about writers

  • cosmicatomic

    FOO FIGHTERS are much, much more boring. :)

    I actually agree that PJ has gotten a bit stale since TEN, but if that moron doesn’t like TEN then that’s really all we need to know on the matter.

  • Aaron

    Pell is a tool that is provoking a reaction to get hits to his shitty blog. He loses all credibility when Lulu, the collaboration between Lou Reed and Metallica, is the album of the year!

    Fuck this hipster Seth Rogan wannabe

  • Evenflow

    This is a classic case of A writer/critic making a statement to get attention for themself and their work.

    PJ isn’t perfect, no band really is, but they are a fantastic band who continues to put out good albums and great live shows. They’re also generous people who give thier money to positive causes. :)

  • Maverick785

    ^ THIS. My thoughts exactly!

  • Travis

    With all the terrible music in the world, this guy rips on PJ? He’s just trying to get a reaction.

  • Keith

    Pearl Jam has not had a decent Album since Vitaligy…so I would say a bore since 96.

  • Junior

    No comment.

  • Superunknown

    Vedder makes more in 1 show than this guy makes in an entire year. He’s just pissed Eddie hit the lotto.

  • RödeOrm

    Pearl Jam has not less talent now than in early 90s, I would say more now, the music from Ten was good but they have grown. No code and Yield and Binaural, Riot act are so goddamn much deeper than the 3 first albums, and for the last albums they have not cut down on the quality, just a natural part of the process.

  • andrea

    thats what makes these writers so foolish looking. they are never able to backup their xlaims.why not? i can. i wouldnt say Pearl Jam is boring but I prefer STP. i always thought STP and PJ sound the same.

  • ed

    Douchebag..let’s see other bands last 20 years..and as others said..he talks about Jeffs hats(which he doesn’t wear anymore) and coffe shop singers covering Pearl Jam..yeah they may you as a journalist..he says it’s amazing they did anything other than play a grunge band in Singles..obviously he has no idea about the Seattle scene back in Crowe’s time…hack journalist..

  • Michael

    I’m not the BIGGEST PJ fan, but I do like them and respect their musical talent. This guy really makes no music references, just his opinions or saying “it’s bad, it should be in a coffee shop”, and shit like that. Silly hats huh? Well I believe the hipster fedora you’re wearing says it all, you are the type of person I just don’t like. You look like sit in starbucks while on your Macbook bitching about grunge’s primal creativity and how bands like PJ are more revered than you’re stupid Magnetic Zeros or Arcade Fire. You are an elitist douchebag that looks like a cancer patient wearing a cheap fedora. so close the macbook, leave starbucks, maybe get some sun, and how instruments make noises before trying to shove you’re opinion down someone’s throat as a fact.

  • Josh

    Silly Hats? Look in the mirror you fuck tard !

  • Kris

    I tend to agree that their music isn’t quite as good as it was back in the “Ten” and “Vitalogy” days BUT they are so much better than the incredibly amount of shit out there today. This dude’s ripping of Pearl Jam is completely unwarranted.

  • the keeper

    You give anyone a keyboard and Microsoft Word and they think they are qualified to tell us what is objectively bad in music. Maybe if he was shown not to be by all counts a “hipster” both in terms of clothing choices and music tastes he would have a more credible opinion. He doesn’t like Pearl Jam? Fine, but here he just comes across as someone trying too hard to be indie and feels the need to shit on other bands for drawing on classic rock influces instead of the “cool” underground trends. Fuck this guy, plain and simple

  • eric

    he is a turd. i read about this yesterday on pj’s forum & commented. he’s ripping jeff’s hats? does he want one? he’s obviously trying to do this whole “retro” thing with his look. he should grow a beard to draw attention away from his creepy face. i like lulu, however. i’m one of the few, so i respect him on liking that album. he probably understands the concept. a hooker that gets killed by jack the ripper. hookers probably laugh at him! to each their own, but beyond magnetic was the best release of last year(studio material). now it’s getting a cd release! it will be the best e.p. of this year.
    really looking forward to new soundgarden, pearl jam, stp’s surprises for core anniversary, next KISS record (yeah, i went THERE).
    2012 is going to be better than 2011 (reissues & live records)-NEW MATERIAL!!! then this douche can hate the new grunge records coming out!CLUTCH rocks,too. but are they grunge? yes, i am having a laugh..

  • Nicholas Pell

    I made this handy FAQ for all my adoring new fans.

    Love and kisses,
    Mr. Pell

  • dakotablue

    For a while it was all the rage among so-called music “journalists” to rip on Alice in Chains. Then boo-hoo, they all felt so bad when Layne died (never mind how they tormented him while he was alive).
    Screw all of them with a giant donkey dick!

  • always

    Nick Pell is awesome. The End

  • elias

    grunge report huh? the only thing to report on grunge is it was dead before pearl jam even fuckin existed. the wipers, the meat puppets, dinosaur jr, green river. this is fucking grunge. not radio grunge. eddie vedder does suck.

  • Nicholas Pell

    Another thing I forgot to mention, I am a homosexual, so any insults directed at me that way are unclever because it’s who I am.

  • Elizabeth

    he’s wearing a fedora, his argument is invalid. See also: no just that fucking fedora.

  • Nicholas Pell

    Oh no. Someone pretending to be me is engaged in homophobic insults. *yawwwwwwwwwwwwwwn*

  • Nicholas Pell

    Also, link didn’t work:

  • Ders

    I mean… He’s kinda right though isn’t he? If you think about it, they are really boring.

  • ThinkImDoinOK

    Gotta love this Pell guy. He’s trying so hard but his amateurish barbs aren’t even spelled right and are filled with factual errors (some of which he or his editors corrected later). Then he actually takes the time to make a FAQ for those who disagree with his factually inaccurate article and baseless opinions and he spells things wrong again. You have to feel sorry for the guy he’s clearly trying so hard to pull off this writer thing but has little aptitude for it. He seems to like music though so more power to him as he tries to make a living at it. Articles like this are prime examples of how the bar for getting published has been lowered thanks to the Internet.

  • Lauren

    i would have to say when vedder gained more control of the band (this was mentioned in PJ20) the band kind began to go down. idk

  • Kallio

    This guy is hilarious. I like him. :)

  • Amanda

    Buddy, it’s a BAND. And you’re not even in it. Seriously. Get a grip. It was an opinion piece. Christ…

  • Anth

    Let’s recap the situation: an aging hipster douchebag writes an attention-seeking article with no legitimate arguments whatsoever. Said article gets passed around, and everyone freaks out and makes even stupider comments that make Pearl Jam fans look like idiots. Which is exactly what Pell wanted to happen.

    No matter what one thinks about Pearl Jam, it’s clear: Pell won this one. Now pull out your copy of Lost Dogs and forget about him.

  • Kelly

    So what kind of bands/groups/artists do you like to listen to then, Mr Pell? I’m curious.

  • yumm


  • Ken Eakins

    Nicholas Pell is fine writer, and a great hat wearer.

    I once saw him in a bar in New York playing Monopoly with Jeff Ament, and the Ghost of Andrew Wood.
    They were playing for authority on head-pieces.

    Things were going well for Pell, until Andrew Wood managed to score on ‘Mayfair’ and the game was his.
    With his winnings, he swore Nicholas to keep his feelings about Jeff Aments hats to himself for 18 years. If Mr Pell broke that promise, he would be banished to listening only to music from the 90s, and not even the good stuff (Mudhoney, Faith No More, Mr Bungle, Morphine etc).

    Needless to say, that time has now passed – as has the 90s – and Nicholas is free to mock any of Pearl Jams songs, and headwear. By dissing him, you’re actually pissing all over the ghost of Andrew Woods, and urine makes even a ghost tear up.

    I hope this clears things up.

  • Graham

    Pearl Jam WERE the most boring band, this guy speaks the truth. Those of you who got sucked into the hype lack the perspective to see just how bland they were. They caught the imagination of a generation that had not yet been exposed to bands like Sabbath, Deep Purple, and I would even throw Ted Nugent in there as well. Us older farts had already been down that road and PJ did nothing new with the genre and even sucked a lot of the fun out of it in the process. You may disagree with the opinion but Pell spelled out his points quite well and A LOT of people agree with him.

  • robin

    douchebag! knucklehead!! moron!!! incompetent fucker!!!!

  • Stuart

    Anything said whilst wearing a fedora hat is immediately void of any worth whatsoever!

  • Thomas Bowler

    He’s just saying what a ton of us have always thought. I’m sorry if you like Pearl Jam, but as someone who grew up in the middle of that era, they’ve always been the cauliflower on my grunge plate.

  • BeefBlocks

    awww….you guys are butt hurt because of someone’s opinion…Do you need a tissue? How cute…

  • Thomas Bowler

    The Grunge Report? There’s a website for grunge fans? I would’ve thought this phased out once AOL had it’s first competitor.

  • fsh

    What’s bizarre about all this is Nicky is chasing all the posts here and on Facebook. Desperate for attention much?

  • Billy

    You’ve got to feel sorry for poor Nicholas. He’s craving attention – can’t get any love, so he’ll settle for hate. He’s just grateful that people are noticing him.

  • Dreux

    Uh, Nicky boy? Why is it you linked everyone to an unfunny and douchey “FAQ” page and disabled the comments on said page? Nicky? I’m not amused, Nicky. At this point I don’t even give a shit about PJ, Nicky, I just despise narcissistic hipster fucks like yourself. And I know you would read this comment while nodding your head and thinking to yourself, “oh how mature”, in a very sarcastic tone because you’re a stubborn and ignorant human being, so there’s no point in me saying all this, but I’m really just hoping the great Nick Pell would grace me with a response. Please do.

    Love and kisses,
    A fellow pole smoker

    P.S. *yawwwwwwwwwwwn* (Witty, ain’t it?)

  • rhetorical_innuendo

    Dear Nicholas Pell,

    I know you will most likely not respond to this, but I am curious as to WHY you find Pearl Jam boring. You are more than entitled to your opinion, but my issue with your article is the I see you put a lot of different things in a negative light when in fact it is just personal preference.

    In your article you make mention that Pearl Jam “dad’s classic rock cover band decided to give the “kids’ music” the old state college try.”

    While yes, Pearl Jam draws from influences such as The Who, they never claimed to be “grunge” or anything but themselves. I do not see why you feel they are so pretentious: if anything their actions are very telling that the polar opposite is happening. They have always been genuine and honest. Just because you do not like the fact they dive into certain issues with songs like WMA or Daughter doesn’t mean that they are wrong for doing so, as the music truly speaks to me and many, many other people as evidenced by the staggering number of Pearl Jam fans spamming you (over 300 comments on your page, most on the pro-PJ side of the fence)

    Finally, I cannot possible fathom how you can be such a fan of the Metallica and Lou Reed album and yet find Pearl Jam “boring”, unless if that article you wrote praising LuLu is an attempt at ironic satire. Of course it all comes to personal tastes, but your “matter of fact” article regarding Pearl Jam is in my opinion not a true representation of the band as a whole, as everything written about them there is either not a true fact or a biased-spin on the facts cited

    Well all in all you probably were successful at what you set out to do: piss of a bunch of Pearl Jam fans and get a lot of attention to your writing – And for that I congratulate you. If you feel compelled to respond to this feel free, I would love to discuss this with you in a civilized discussion. Thanks

  • be

    pj is boring, compared to when they were twenty somethings. they still, to this day shake MSG during Evolution. they did just play two back to back, hair raising, moon lit nights in Wisconsin. they also tore the roof off of the spectrum four times in five days.. you are flat out bad at your job pell. i think you are boring, wear bad hats, and are over paid for preforming sexual acts to all of the members of the smashing pumpkins.

  • Travis

    Hmm, why are there followers of Pell’s blog coming here to rip on us? Just because a few people call you an asshole for not liking Pearl Jam doesn’t mean you have to make a FAQ with comments that weren’t even posted, kind of immature.

    Oh, and if Pearl Jam is the most boring band in 20 years, what does that make someone like Bon Iver?

  • John

    This whole thing is stupid, between the freelance writers trolling this site and most of the Pearl Jam fans responding in an immature manner. As a Pearl Jam fan, I’m embarrassed that this is how things went down. So what if Nick Pell doesn’t like them? We still like the music and that’s all that matters. Also, hasn’t anybody learned that not responding to articles like this is the best method. Obviously it’s too late for that, but if people had just let it go, this guy wouldn’t be getting the satisfaction. It’s a very basic defense method.

  • suicidal_crybaby

    well there not boreing, but pj20 doc was pretty unenventful, i was wanting more cornell or storys about alice. so yea they are kinda boring…i’d rather see a mike starr doc…at least that will make u laught , do any of u own the book he wrote.

  • Sasho

    Brett, you shouldn’t have posted this article on this website in the first place – it doesn’t deserve! :/
    Just ignore crappy argumentless negative articles like this one..

  • bmeade

    I find it slightly refreshing that there are people out there besides myself that find PJ pretty boring. I liked their first album, but not much else. I bought their 2010 album and listened to it multiple times to see what the hype was about – I earnestly tried to buy the hype – and never got into it.

    I guess I’m just not the same wavelength to get their energy. I’d rather buy Black Sabbath.

  • Chris J.

    Kills me how much people like PJ, and I like the band… It feels like a Justin Beiber type commercial thing :/ Sad.

  • BlownUpWorld

    Nicky Pell hates us! We’re so overblown! (with apologies to Mudhoney)
    And we don’t care…. (more apologies to the Sex Pistols)

  • Nate

    I totally agree with their assesment. Pearl Jam has always been over-rated and besides Ten, every other PJ album is awful. Alice in Chains, Soundgarden, Nirvana, Blind Melon, Smashing Pumpkins, and than PJ tied with STP

  • CourtneyLover

    I bet he finds Maroon 5 entertaining and conceptual art that defines modern America in ways behind average belief. If this guy wants to trash Pearl Jam he should at least give a decent review of the band’s history. Eddie mumbles, Jeff wears a lot of hats, blah blah blah.

    If he wanted to trash Pearl Jam all he had to do was point out they could never record another album that holds a candle to Ten. Say they’re a shell of their former self and records like “Ole” prove they have lost touch with society.

    I don’t believe any of that, but that would be a far superior than what he wrote.

  • Esquire McGinnings

    you guys. He’s a hipster of course he hates PJ. Hipsters hate anything that is “good”

    He hates PJ because it’s not pretentious-douchebag-prog-rock-circlewankery that they enjoy so much.


    HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! What a fuck tard turd burglar.

  • CiTiZeN DiCk

    I see 64 comments written next to this article.

    Who cares about Nick Pell? Who even knows who the hell he is? He’s a guy with an uneducated opinion. He’s entitled to it…

    Graham, I happen to be one of “us older farts” and I also happen to find Pearl Jam quite fascinating. I know what I like, I know that I feel Pearl Jam has not only been probably the most exciting band in the last 20 years, they were also probably the most important. I can provide articles to back up my statement, which this guy obviously cannot do.

    Agree to disagree, which is what we all should be doing with Pell.

  • Douche Teabag

    What the fuck is Elvis Costello’s son doing writing for LA Weekly?

  • Michael

    I do like the picture that is posted here. The way his eyes are set is like he is just waiting for the torrent of abuse to begin. Either he has no idea what he is talking about or he is just pushing buttons to get a reaction. Bit of both i think!

  • Joe


  • Janaina Harding

    Folks,don´t you see? He attacks PJ so furiously but his intention actually is to attack Eddie.And why?? Because this man, Nicholas, can´t stand the simple idea that Eddie is a success. Nicholas hates him because he is simply handsome (very), has a marvelous voice (I can imagine this writer voice), is a good man, very attractive,so talented and N..( I can´t stand repeating his name again) wanted to be all this, but instead, he is..that..what everybody could see on the photo. Wake up man!!!!!! Do you know when you´ll be like him?? Not even next life. ( and don´t tell me you wouldn´t like to be like him, because you would be such a LIER saying that)

  • hyip

    I can’t stand pearl jam, true that they are the most boring band ever. I don’t understand whats the appeal.