Zakk Wylde & Ozzy Osbourne Reacting To Groupies Is Awesome: ‘Can We F*ck Your Ass With A Strap On?’

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Zakk Wylde was recently asked on the Jim & Sam Show if he’s worried about groupies from the past haunting him with the ongoing wave of sexual misconduct charges. He said (transcribed by Ultimate-Guitar):

“I remember a couple of incidents. The Animal House years of Black Label, I remember these two girls were in the sub the time. I guess they were hanging out with some of the guys either in a band or in a Doom Crew Inc.

“I was in there just hanging out in the sub after the big rock show. I was like, ‘Hey how are you girls doing? Can I get you something to drink?’ ‘Oh no, we’re okay,’ all giggling and stuff. I was like, ‘What’s so funny?’ because I was bending over getting something to drink, I figured my pants busted open or something.

“She goes, ‘We used to have posters of you back in the day.’ I go, ‘That was probably the last time my wife actually wanted to sleep with me because I’m now out on the couch.’

“And they just go, ‘Man, what we’d do to you.’ And I’m waiting to hear like some Caligula brothel stuff, some good-time stuff, some stories I can tell [my wife] Barb about. You know, ‘These two hot chicks were on the sub and they wanted to do this to me. So maybe you can try it.’ [Laughs]

“I was like, ‘What would you do?’ And they go, ‘We think you have such a hot ass, we’d love to put strap-ons on and just blast you up the ass.’ … And I just go, ‘Well now you know why I don’t cheat on my wife.’ [Laughs]

“That’s another good time out, just make sure you don’t eat a heavy meal before that one. You don’t wanna hit a big steakhouse after that one with the fellows. And if you do, maybe just get the fish.”

He later said:

“I remember this one other time with Ozzy we were hanging out – I think we did McNichols Arena [in Denver, CO] or something – and we were in a steam shower. Ozzy’s sitting down, I’m sitting down, the steam was kicking in and we’re just like chilling out, just talking and relaxing.

“And these two girls came into the shower and they saw us sitting there and like, ‘Oh, sorry!’ And they left.

“And Ozz looks at me and I look at him and he goes *imitates Ozzy’s voice* ‘Zakk, you know what those girls just thought?’ And I say, ‘What’s that Ozz?’ ‘They both took one quick look at my dick and they just said, ‘Look at that thing, I guess I’ll put it behind my ear and smoke it later.” [Laughs]

“These were the opportunities me and my boss used to get back in the day. [Laughs] Did you cheat on your wives? No, with opportunities like that we just went back to the room and whacked it off.”