Edited/Co-written by Doug McCausland
Ever since the formation of the ever-increasingly popular Satanic metal act Ghost (known as Ghost B.C. in America), fans have been determined to uncover the true identities of the six band members; the five instrumental members of the band have only been known as the “Nameless Ghouls”, while their enigmatic/anonymous frontman is known as Papa Emeritus. For years, rumors swelled regarding just who was under the demonic pope hat and makeup, and now Alternative Nation can exclusively confirm Emeritus’s true identity thanks to the actions of one brave reporter.
I, reporter Anthony Carioscia, decided to book a Skype interview with Emeritus himself. After asking about the band’s latest album, Meliora, I asked him for his opinion on the legendary indie band Pavement as preparation for an editorial on the upcoming twentieth anniversary of their 1997 album Brighten the Corners.
Oddly, Emeritus became visibly agitated, muttering something under his breath, then became furious. “Fuck those fucking hipsters,” Emeritus cried in a nasily Chicago accent, dropping his Swedish accent. “How dare they bash the Smashing Pumpkins. They were the only interesting band of the 90’s. [Stephen] Malkmus is nothing but a third rate lyricist who relies on dumb nostalgia to stay relevant.”
Suddenly, everything clicked. “Billy?”
“It’s ‘William’ now,” Papa said as he removed his disguise, revealing himself to be none other than Smashing Pumpkins vocalist/guitarist Billy Corgan. “And of course it’s me. The band is called Ghost B.C. What the fuck else would those letters stand for?”
When I pressed him on, Papa Corgan also revealed that Tobias Forge, former frontman of the band Repugnant who was long theorized to be the man under the mask, was just someone he paid to act as a red herring. Forge was rewarded with USD $500,000, as well a free copy of Corgan’s solo album, AEGEA.
Corgan admitted that he was trying to scare away other 90’s bands from reuniting and going on cash grab tours, as well spread his long-secret Satanic tendencies.
“I would have gotten away with it too,” Billy bellowed, “if it wasn’t for those meddling Alternative Nation reporters and their clickbait!”
Billy Corgan is still slated to be the host of a new reality program titled Rock Star: Nirvana.