Amidst all of the Scott Weiland tributes we did on Alternative Nation earlier this month, we missed a beautiful tribute that Scott’s widow Jamie Weiland posted on her photography Facebook page. Read it below:
Three hundred and sixty five days. A year ago…
Anguish.
Longing and sobbing and disbelief that I have no way of ever describing.
Darkness that I would have never considered to even be possible.
A funeral I barely remember.
Nights of sleeplessness, holding his ashes in our bed. They wrap the box in a very soft silk fabric…I suspect I am not the first who felt inclined to keep the remains of a cremated loved one right next to me.
David Bowie’s lyrics from ‘Oh you pretty things’ resonated in my head like a phone garishly ringing that no one could ever manage to answer.
“All the nightmares came today. And it looks as if they’re here to stay”…
Days turned to weeks, and to months…
Utter heartbreak, anxiety… numbly going through the motions. The avalanche of having to start my life over completely. Finding a new place to live, trying to work when most days I wasn’t entirely sure I could form a sentence.
My heart, hollow. My mind was a scattering of so many pieces I wondered if I’d lost it entirely.
Legal issues and horrific social media commentary…misunderstandings about him, about me…hurtful and cruel and beyond comprehension.
As if I hadn’t had enough pain.
A diagnosis of PTSD which explained why I often couldn’t even drive a car or hold a pen without shaking and write my own name.
But…the blessings as well… the things that came into my life after his passing, the things I refer to as his “secret gifts”…. an influx of new friends, relatives, possibilities, inspiration. A new vision of myself, almost as if I can see ‘me’ through his eyes.
He was always the biggest believer in me…I can feel his pride and support of me, his love for me now. I really can. I don’t know how to describe it.
It’s a beautiful thing you have with someone, when love is real and true…wherever either of you are, you feel it.
And with that love, with time, you heal. I am healing. I am grateful, beyond, to those angels in my life that have been there for me…my amazing friends and family that have held me up through all of this. You’ve loved me and supported me and believed in me and bailed me out when my mind and my heart and my ability to keep it together wasn’t so great.
I love you all so much.
And Scott knows I love him, I tell him all the time. I know he hears me.
He knows you guys all love him, too.
Let’s cherish him, his heart, his music, his love…today and always. We were all so lucky to have known him. xoxo
