Former Smashing Pumpkins and Hole bassist Melissa auf der Maur discussed falling in love with Dave Grohl in her new book.
“When I landed in Los Angeles [in the summer five years later], a text message popped up from Dave Grohl, whom I hadn’t heard from in months. “I’m in LA, please tell me you’re here and we can see each other.”
Since our one-night stand almost a year before, Dave and I would occasionally text. Our exchanges were simple and didn’t amount to much more than ‘Hi! I am making a record, how are you?’, ‘Hello! I’m fine and on tour.’ Dave was, in retrospect, lightly courting me via text.
I suggested we meet at Three Clubs, one of my regular bars on the corner of Santa Monica Boulevard and Vine Street. A few hours later, as I was getting ready to meet him, I felt like I was harboring two secrets: first, that I was going to leave Hole, which Courtney was not prepared for, and second, that I’d just planned a clandestine meeting with one of her archenemies.
I arrived at the bar first. As I took a sip of my tequila cocktail with a lot of lime, I looked up at the mirror behind the bar and saw Dave walk into the room. Our eyes met through the reflection in the mirror, and just like that — the same way it had happened when I’d descended the escalator at the Seattle airport to meet Hole — I felt a powerful sense of inevitability. That’s when I realized, oh, shit. We’re going to fall in love.
Dave was excited to see me, and I him. He walked up with a huge smile and his giddy, nervous drummer energy. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since our night together last year,” he said. I was touched by his immediate honesty and directness. It opened my heart and softened me up right away.
We had a sweet night talking about music, old mutual friends from Montreal, the new album he was in town mixing and planning to release that fall, and the big tour I was just getting off. Two people at the top of their game. Two equals. I think that felt new and refreshing for both of us. We spoke openly about our potential as a couple and he very forwardly said he was interested in exploring a relationship with me. We went back to my house in Laurel Canyon and pledged to keep seeing each other as much as we could, despite our wild lives.
Here was a nice, direct person who had decided he wanted me, then courted and pursued me and offered me a connection, and what felt like a cosmic musical bond helped me receive it. There was quite possibly no other person in the world who shared the same slice of madness that emerged from the nexus of Kurt, Courtney, suicide and heroin-infused “rock music meets mainstream mayhem” we had both experienced. We never spoke about it. We didn’t need to. We had both harbored something untouchable, an ache deep inside, and then — all of a sudden — we were not alone with it anymore.”
