Tool webmaster Blair released the September Tool newsletter on Friday, which was reported on by several websites including Alternative Nation. Blair doesn’t seem to be too happy with Ultimate-Guitar.com’s story on the newsletter, as he has taken to Tool’s official website to respond to their headline ‘Tool Admit All the Online Hate Affected Them, Hint at Releasing a Drastically Different Album.’
You know, I probably shouldn’t even bother with this – being that I have such a positive attitude about things – but my attention was recently directed to a website whose writer seemed to be really struggling with my latest newsletter. I’m not going to mention the name of this site, because that is probably what they want so that they can sell more ads for wrinkle-removing cream and such. Not that there’s anything wrong with that – we all need to make a living – but when I read the caption to the post (again, regarding my Sept. newsletter), I could hardly believe my eyes. What was this person reading, I wondered? Certainly not MY newsletter! Was he or she really sincere in their ‘interpretation’ of what I was saying, or were they just making up crazy shit at my (and the band’s) expense to get clicks?
Honestly, I’m really not sure, but, without completely re-constructing the newsletter, I would like to help the person out… The caption in question reads something like. “Tool admit all the Online hate affected them, Hint at releasing a drastically different Album.” WHAT? Really? You got all that from the newsletter. Where? Where did I say anything even close to that? What I said is that the negative energy from a small number of Tool fans who are anxiously waiting for a new album is having adverse consequences in other places, such as causing otherwise peaceful new-age types to turn aggro and topple over stacked red rock stones , and that negative radiations from troll-spew might also be responsible for the sightings of all those creepy clowns that are now terrorizing the country. (By the way, look what it’s doing to cigar-store indians!) To the writer: I suggest that you read the piece again…this time more carefully… and comment more responsibly, okay? Is that a fair proposition? Also, when you get some time, look up the words “tongue-and-cheek.”
The second part of the caption is an even wilder leap to conclusions (if that’s possible) Unless the writer for the website considers a flat out denial of those double-album rumors as being “a drastically different album”, it would seem to be impossible to tease out of what I actually wrote that I was hinting (cryptically or otherwise) about such a divergent release. Read for yourself and you will see that I said that I hadn’t heard too much of the new material (in past newsletters saying that what I did hear sounded like… TOOL, of all things!) and that I hadn’t been to the loft rehearsal space in many months. Anything else is just wild speculation on their part… I know, gotta get those hits to sell more ad spots for miracle creams… See, I told you that I had a positive attitude! Oh, and one other thing: If you’re going to post the ENTIRE newsletter without permission and sell ad space, then how about sending me my fair share (I have wrinkles, too). After all, it’s not like I’m putting ribeye on the Ramen every night…
Blair, I would be willing to take you out for some Ramen in Los Angeles. E-mail me at grungereport @yahoo.com.