Billy Corgan Is Taking Over Nirvana For 2019 Tour

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Smashing Pumpkins frontman Billy Corgan has announced his purchase of the Nirvana name from Dave Grohl, Krist Novoselic, Courtney Love, and Frances Bean Cobain for $1 billion.

“It definitely cost more than buying my NWA wrestling company,” Corgan laughed.

When asked where he got the money, Corgan said, “Let’s just say Nirvana will be doing a lot of touring in Saudi Arabia.”

Corgan has announced that Dave Grohl, Krist Novoselic, and Pat Smear have been dismissed, and will not be part of the new Nirvana.

He said, “Nirvana Inc. wishes Mr. Grohl, Mr. Novoselic, and Mr. Smear the best in their future endeavors.” Corgan added that they’re getting ‘generous’ severance packages, including early copies of the new Smashing Pumpkins Christmas album, and a limited edition vinyl record of his 8-hour ‘Siddhartha’ performance at Madame ZuZu’s Teahouse from 2014.

Corgan said he wants to go for a ‘full reboot’ of Nirvana, though he plans on using Bleach drummer Chad Channing as a special guest for ‘authenticity.’

Courtney Love will serve as Nirvana’s lead singer and guitarist, with former Foo Fighters drummer William Goldsmith on drums, and Smashing Pumpkins bassist Jack Bates on bass. Corgan said The Smashing Pumpkins and Nirvana will embark on a stadium tour of North America this summer, with Nirvana opening. The tour is billed as the ‘King of the 90’s Tour.’

When asked who that is referring to, Corgan said, “It’s fairly obvious.”

Smashing Pumpkins & Nirvana ‘King of the 90’s’ Tour Dates:
April 1, 2019 – APRIL FOOLS

  • cdreyes81

    Dont be had this april 1st

  • jamey

    This is a fucking joke…die die die my darlings

  • John Jordan

    Fake News is always dangerous.. even on the 1st of April.

  • Lee Hasselbeck

    This is the most accurate thing ever posted on alternativenation

  • Kayla Kerr

    I was starting to tear up. Courtney on vocals??!! I mean, she’s great in her own right. But…..Nirvana?? Lol

  • It’s all good man!

    Lol that was a trippy read…been awhile since I have been taken by an April fool’s, but near the end it got too silly to be believed… thanks 😂

    • GrrlBEAST

      It got silly in the very first paragraph where it says he bought it for a BILLION. No way in hell does he have anywhere near that kind of money. Mick Jagger himself doesn’t have a billion bucks.

  • CycleGoon

    That scared me until I figured out what day it is.

    • AdamFord 152

      Same

  • epic wheelman

    Good one

  • Negative Creep

    Brett Buchanan needs a life and a real job. He sucks at music journalism. 💖💖💖

    • Alternative Nation

      That Brett Buchanan is a negative creep!

      • Vince Yim

        And he’s stoned!

  • peaklevelmeter
  • Mina

    What a backhanded, passive aggressive swipe at Billy Corgan. It could have easily been an April fools article about a great, unexpected collab w any 2 bands. But somehow one more attempt at a worn out joke seemed like a better idea. God, his success and talent is so hilarious.

    • Seagull Figiel

      Lol leave billy alone!!! He’s fine, don’t worry.

    • Alternative Nation

      Swipe? The whole thing is lighthearted. Grow a sense of humor. The references in this are specifically for fellow die hard Pumpkins fans.

    • Segmented

      I love the way he single-handedly transformed the 90’s youth culture with his art.

      He has as much talent as he has hair.

  • Jennifer Pegg

    Wow that was a good one. It really got me

  • Harry Knutenburg

    This is just dumb. I clicked knowing that it was an April Fools joke just to get into the spirit, and it really disappointed me that it was so unfunny, and the writer even tried to remain ‘safe’ by using Billy’s name as a pinata for the milionth time…but I expect nothing else from the left. BORING and DUMB.

  • Matthew Beier

    This entire publication has become so weak.

  • Mike G

    Billy doesn’t have $1 billion dollars. I knew this was fake from the get go, lol!

  • Mike G

    Not as good as the Zeppelin one. That really had me going, lol. I just think it’s sad Joe Perry died today on April Fools of all days and that was actually real. NOT-APRIL FOOLS!!!

  • Jason Klein

    Lame

  • Segmented

    Brett this is a work of genius!

    This is by far the best April fools joke I’ve ever been party to.

    You have expertly identified and exploited an incredibly irritating and yet almost believable paranoia in the average Nirvana obsessed fan and are clearly knowledge enough about both Nirvana and Billy Corbin as to concoct a devilishly hilarious fantasy which unravels into greater and greater farse until all but the most unaware would gradually awaken to the ruse.

    I am a lifelong Nirvana fan and old enough to have been there and understand that Nirvana were the work of three talented people (exceptional as Kurt undoubtedly is).

    C’mon people now, those of you who are most angry are just annoyed that Brett played you so brilliantly with his well constructed joke.

    You had me going until “Saudi Arabia”.

    It doesn’t matter if you got a million shares or hits etc or four.

    I got the joke and it blew me away.

    Everyone else, please learn to laugh at yourselves.

    PS. I can almost imagine Billy Corbin would actually do this given the chance.

    • Alternative Nation

      Thanks, I tried to put in references that fellow die hard Pumpkins and Nirvana fans would get!

    • Matthew Beier

      Who is Billy Corbin?

      • Segmented

        Exactly.

  • Willie Jones jr

    Ok. I’m dumb. I fell for it.

    I was about to pitch a bitch , then I read the comments.

    Now I feel like a fool.

    Courtney being the lead singer? I should have known better!

    • Segmented

      Admitting you fell for it is unusually self-aware and far from dumb.

      • Willie Jones jr

        Thank you.

  • Don Charles Ta-ala

    nirvana being the king and smashing pumpkins were there servants.. LoL

  • Drew Fourquet

    Good one. Once I saw the Courtney Love as lead singer and guitarist I instantly knew how that would never happen even in an alternate universe.

  • What?

    Silly