Brother Reveals How ‘Conversations’ With ‘Departed Brother’ Chris Cornell At Grave ‘F*cked Me Up’

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Chris Cornell’s brother Peter has posted the following on Instagram:

At home with my main dudes today. How else would you celebrate New Years Eve in SoCal? 2017. I’m sifting through my thoughts about this year and trying to remove emotion as the vehicle I use to transport it into history. It’s tough. Tears became a staple at my house this year. The loss under my roof was not exclusively mine. 2017 kicked us in the balls over and over again. Lessons learned man. Lessons learned.

Humans are resilient creatures, but I did battle with resiliency this year. In the end it was really the only path but I chose it stubbornly and reluctantly. Too many times have I chosen self destruction or anger or defiance in the face of dark times. There was plenty of those to go around and I can self-justify my downfalls in the blink of an eye. So it came down to really dissecting the horrors and digging into the deepest hell to try and find any shred of reason or hope or meaning. My “go to” is to kill the pain or run away or demolish any good left in my world and take down as many innocent bystanders as I can as I descend. Somehow I listened to a different voice in my head this time.

I started visiting my Brother every week. The only reason I had for doing so was the simplest of motives… it’s what people do. They go to the gravesite and they visit their loved ones. They kneel down and they have a conversation. I am nothing close to a pious or spiritual or religious man. But the conversations I’ve had with my departed little Brother are the closest thing I’ve ever had that I would call a spiritual experience. This really fucked me up.

There was no wiggle room to embark on a path of self destruction to make the universe pay for my losses. How inconvenient to have to behave like a decent, adult human, but what is the option here? My hand is forced by the desperate need to pay tribute to and honor my Brother. So I won’t beat 2017 up as it walks out the door. I will coddle it and love it and with the greatest humility that I can muster gratefully cherish it for the light it has shone on my meager being. I wish ALL AND EVERYONE A BLESSED AND HAPPY NEW YEAR. Luke 6:31

  • makingconnections

    I find it very interesting that some of us find it meaningful to visit grave sites and others don’t. Whatever helps you keep moving is the right thing or perhaps grieve in your own way is best.
    The First Nations people I live nearby put the most amazing totem poles in the graveyard, with the animal spirits represented that were connected to the person. Once when I worked with them I wrote deceased next to the name of one of the elders and was spoken to firmly but respectfully by the Chief. He told me that they didn’t consider the person gone, just behind a veil, so to speak. I asked how I’d know not to send them notices and he told me I’d figure it out, which of course I did…haha!
    I don’t visit graveyards. I’m a person with a spiritual practice and feel that my loved ones are gone from the earth and are somewhere, moved into what I think of as ‘the sacred mystery”. Every now and then, not often, I feel them watching over us. It feels like a hand resting gently on your shoulder saying: “All is well, you can do this. Someday you’ll understand.”

    • Cathy

      I find it very meaningful and spiritual but I don’t understand why those private moments are so often shared on SM. I see it all the time. I guess everyone is different.

      • makingconnections

        I understand Cathy. My husband for instance would be horrified to know I shared anything personal on SM….I try to keep some sort of boundary, but I cross it all the time.
        I like to respond in some way to Peter’s posts because I think the Internet is so new and we are finding our way. He’s exploring what’s possible by sharing his feelings so personally and I think it’s helpful to many people but I’m sure that many people are uncomfortable with it. In the end, he’s reaching out and that so often can seem awkward.
        My husband once asked me many years ago: “Is there anything you wouldn’t say?” Poor guy!!

        • Olga Stewart

          On an off topic note…

          makingconnections, have you seen Trovoid and/or Corndog post here, as of late?

          I have been thinking about them. And I do hope that they are both all right.

          • makingconnections

            No, not lately. Don’t worry Olga; they both tend to jump in now and then and it’s always good when they do. Let’s wish them Happy New Year! Best wishes at New Year’s to a couple of very good guys, Trovoid and Corndog!

          • Olga Stewart

            Happy NEW YEAR to you, Trovoid, Corndog, and everyone else on here. :).

          • Trovoid

            Happy belated New Year’s to the both of you!! I made a comment to Olga earlier so I know she knows I’m alive lol. I’m very far behind on articles so I’m trying to catch up on some of the newer ones.

          • Olga Stewart

            It’s good to see you on here again, Trovoid. *big smile*

            And happy NEW YEAR to you. :).

          • makingconnections

            Good to hear from you Trovoid….us Canadian mother hens are the worst sort!!

          • Trovoid

            You “Canadian mother hens” are the BEST sort!

          • makingconnections

            Haha..we is what we is!

      • Olga Stewart

        Yes, everyone is different.

        So if someone wants to grieve publicly, they should be able to.

        And if not, then that’s fine too.

  • Meggean Ward

    Wow! He really has handled this personal tragedy well, and has led the way in honoring Chris, opening his thoughts and heart to fans. Such humility. It is humbling to realize that someone can share the pain, work through this publicly with such openness. He helps others work through it.
    Neat family.
    I’m glad that Alternative Nation has put these up, since I am not part of Peter’s instagram.

    • Olga Stewart

      Thank you, as that is exactly what I feel when Peter reaches out to us with these posts.

  • Gabi Sermoneta

    He obviously has found a way to work out through the loss of his brother. However I cannot help finding these posts just an answer to an egoic need. There is no spiritual practice that does not consider death, no matter how tragic this happens on a human level, as a “crossing” to a different realm. This should help any spiritual person to let go and accept what is. If not, I guess there is nothing spiritual about this. The soul of the person who has crossed should be left rest in peace and not overburden with this much grieving. Especially when it happens on SM.
    RIP Chris

    • makingconnections

      How judgmental this comment is. Peter does not describe himself as a spiritual or religious person so to use a spiritual practice as a basis of attack is particularly awful. Many of us have had difficulty dealing with loss and there’s no time line or particular gift that spirituality gives that brings acceptance when you want it. He’s not overburdening anyone. He’s participating in social media just as Vicki Cornell, Talinda Bennington and many fans have done.
      There’s nothing worse than a religious person when they become self righteous.

      • Gabi Sermoneta

        You obviously seemed to have misunderstood my post. As for being judgmental.. I would look at my own words before pointing the fingers to others. I am here to express my opinion which is valuable as much as yours. If you cannot accept others expressing their opinion on this thread when it is not in line with praising Peter and attacking CC ‘ wife, then I guess there is little problem.
        You are talking about religion I am talking about spirituality. I guess we do not speak the same language.
        “There’s nothing worse than a religious person when they become self righteous..” Speaking of being judgmental..
        I don’t recall meeting you and having a conversation with you for you to end up having this conclusion about me. Self righteous? By the tone of many comments here including yours, again I would look inwards before pointing your finger. Peace.

        • makingconnections

          This conversation is familiar somehow….I think we’ve spoken before and disagreed before. I think you previously wished me Peace. You have every right to express yourself….I was responding.
          It’s my New Year’s Resolution to not be negative towards Vicki Cornell so I don’t know where you’re coming from there.
          I do look inward and I don’t like myself when I become self righteous!

    • FM KC

      Your reasoning is rock solid. It all turned into a cult-like worshiping. Somehow toxic and reason is not the driving force in any such situations. These kiss-and-tell mourning posts are equally keeping that unhealthy bubble alive. But hey, good luck to you convincing the circus to be quiet 🙂 Take care, stay cool!

      • makingconnections

        –so now speaking of death and grief has become intolerable, just as speaking of depression was.

        • FM KC

          Publicly wallowing in someone’s death is intolerable. Having an intimate contemplation at someone’s grave while publishing an essay about it is self-serving and disturbing to say the least. Whining shall not be confused with grieving. Then again, this is my vision of things and I dare to think we can still judge for ourselves, without being told by “official mourners” what to think. I do respect Gabi Sermoneta’s elegant wise adult judgement. It is a palate cleanser in the all-around disgusting conversation regarding this man’s death. You will not agree and that’s fine. The world is only enriched by diversity.

          • makingconnections

            Your post is one of the most cruel and ugly that I’ve ever read.
            You obviously read little, are not aware of poetry or the arts. Death and grief are the source of some beautiful works of art in its many forms and we learn so much from what is shared. In my opinion many have learned and been touched by Peter’s writing. It’s my wish that you’d not attack him but attack the fans instead. You’ve got to do something with your outrage after all. (palate cleanser…yuck!)

          • FM KC

            I would rather not attack anyone at all. Others seem to handle that quite well. I only have an opinion that happen to not be yours, therefore it is instantly offensive to you. If Instagram posts are art to you, then I do lack that kind of culture. And consequently, I take your disdain as a badge of honour.

          • makingconnections

            Get real. “Whining shall not be confused with grieving”. That sounds like a pronouncement from on high…not at opinion. Yes, your words offend me.
            Witnessing Peter being attacked is upsetting because it’s ugly and unfair.

          • FM KC

            Whoever disagrees with you is judgemental, unfair, cruel, ugly and uninformed. And yet, you feel like the bigger person. No problem.

          • makingconnections

            You’re wrong in this case. I try not to think in terms of bigger and smaller, winners and losers, all that crap. We’re all equal and some days I can be petty and silly in my thinking, just like we all can.
            I can’t bear injustice though and that’s why I’m speaking to you.

          • Olga Stewart

            makingconnections, our words are falling on deaf ears here.

            So I think the next time FM spouts off about something, I will be just ignoring him.

          • makingconnections

            Good Idea Olga!! I’m often a fool for trying to push boulders uphill.

          • makingconnections

            Do you know anything of Chris Cornell’s music or the music to come out of Seattle when the members of Temple of the Dog, Soundgarden, and all of the other musicians were hurt and angry over the death of Andrew Wood? It’s a real example of sharing loss with others and helping them along the way when hardship happens to them. Listen to “Say Hello to Heaven” if you wish to.

          • FM KC

            Tribute music is an artistic expression, not exclusive to the Seattle scene, I’m convinced you agree to that at least. Comparing Temple of the Dog with Instagram posts is small and I will not continue this conversation.

          • makingconnections

            Chris Cornell spoke of Andrew Wood constantly throughout his life…he talked about his loss during many, many interviews. Whining?

          • FM KC

            Courtney Love spoke of Kurt constantly… during many, many interviews. Art?‎

          • Olga Stewart

            You just did continue the conversation.

          • Olga Stewart

            Would you please stop being so condescending to us?

            Yes, we don’t agree. But you don’t have to make myself and others feel like morons for expressing our opinion.

      • Olga Stewart

        I really hope that someday that someone you know is grieving over the loss of someone and then you say what you just said above to them.

        But if it does, then maybe you will understand how cruel, insensitive, and hurtful your remarks are.

    • Olga Stewart

      So people can’t grieve as they want?

      I’m sorry but you can’t tell someone who is both missing their loved one and who is hurting like anything that they can’t grieve for them the way they are. They will be less than thrilled to hear that coming from you. And if anything, you have only increased both their pain and there feeling alone.

      I love when Peter both speaks about his brother and shares with us what sort of a person who Chris was. It helps me to understand Chris better. And I know that it’s helping Peter process his feelings about his brother’s passing.