Tool Make ‘Really Terrible’ Disease Revelation


The official Tool newsletter was recently posted by Blair. Maynard James Keenan recently confirmed the new Tool album will come out on August 30th.

In the nineteen years of writing for my – er – I mean the band’s website, the hardest thing is knowing something that would constitute real band news – something positive to relay to eager fans – only being unable to post it for a variety of reasons due to the site’s official nature. I’m faced with the same dilemma today, but hopefully (keep your toes crossed) I can make an official announcement next month. Until then, in keeping with Adam’s “write about whatever you want” pep talk to me all those years ago, and knowing the guys probably have poor internet connections in Europe, there IS something that has been on my mind for a while now.

I think that most of us would agree that Crohn’s disease – a chronic disorder that causes inflammation in the digestive system – is nothing to joke about and any FDA-approved product that offers relief from the severity of the symptoms is to be applauded. With that said, from what I can hear, the band in the T.V. commercial for HUMIRA is really… really… really terrible (unless the studio track is entitled “TrainWreck.”).

Are you telling me that the producers couldn’t find some dude in Hollywood with at least some experience in playing a guitar (especially since the actor is holding such a cool guitar). When I lived in L.A., I must have known about 50 guitarists who, while not hipsters enveloped in the fruity smoke of douche-flutes or munching on purple carrot crisps like you might expect from those in the television spot, could play damn good.

And most of them could use some extra cash. Jeez, Hollywood! Even so, if that band ever plays a show here in Vegas, I’ll probably go check them out – not because of the frontchick that’s constantly bolting from the stage to the closest porta potty, but because of the gal keyboardist who certainly has her Laurie Partridge pretend chords down.